I slowly surface from the depths of slumber and I’m greeted by a bright, playful sunlight. It strokes my skin and warms my yawning heart. Today feels like a good day. I slowly turn and feel the heat turn to a darkened chill. I quickly move back to chase the sun but she’s been hidden from view. My flesh, my soul, sinks deeper into the marshmallow like mattress. Sticky. A sickening sweet ick pervades the air. Nope. Just no. This isn’t going to happen. Not today. Not now. The army stands guard against my attack and doesn’t even flinch. I scream. Already I’m out of the energy required to fight. I converse with my brain and ask for it to move my body and it responds with my echo, hollow and unrelenting. Please. I have things I want to do today. I need to move my body. Please don’t do this. I’m wasting away. Can’t you see? Don’t you care? My skin is taught and cold. Heavy. Like dead weight. Lead. Unpretty. Dull and purposeful. In defiance and a show of will I attempt breaking the walls surrounding me. I’m caged. Surrounded. Controlled. By my own existence. A saboteur and a hero. Darkness and light battling within the confines of myself. Imprisoned and forced to live a life I do not want. Fighting is pointless. Hope of connection is no longer a thing. What is left? The mask has worn me down to bone so weak they would break by the breeze of a butterfly’s wings. I surrender. It’s all I have left. That and a shallow existence inside a deep sea of what could have been.