I can’t discern my tears from the droplets of rain cascading down my cheeks; both are warmed by the June sun rising behind the cityscape through my drenched lashes.
My soul screams for life. At the top of its lungs for freedom. Until it’s tired to be the focus of the love I have and give others in bountiful amounts. Until it weeps for solitude. Until the sun it sees sets in the distance for my undivided attention. Until it’s depressed and caged by the fear it’s imprisoned in.
Yet more than all this, what my soul yearns for is deep connection. With myself. With my partner. With mother earth and with the universe.
Fear can be an important alarm signalling something is wrong. It can also be telling us we’re living from historical trauma / experiences and it’s time to let them go.
Living from a place of fear isn’t living. It’s survival. It’s consuming and draining and physically taxing on the body to be in constant fight, flight or freeze mode. We will be ok.
We might face things that hurt, that feel icky, that feel heavy. These aren’t ‘bad’ feelings. When you feel happy and elated and joyful, these aren’t ‘better’ feelings. When I get asked now if I’m feeling better, I answer with ‘no, because I wasn’t feeling in a worse state’. I was just experiencing different feelings to what we’ve been conditioned are ‘good’ or ‘better’. I am living a complete human experience and I’m grateful for every feeling I experience.
It’s taken me a very long time to get to this understanding and it’s one I shall continue to live by.