My nervous system is on high alert quite a bit, often stuck in the sympathetic state (fight, flight, fawn, freeze response). That is my default. So naturally people like me tend to subconsciously seek people who give us more of the same; people who aren’t safe will give us what we need. Feeling anything but safe could look like being around someone who raises their voice a lot or withholds affection when they’re annoyed/triggered to being abused in some form.
I can count on maybe 2 or 3 fingers the people who, over the past decade, have made me feel fully safe to be around and I mistook those connections / relationships as boring. And this is a common mistake we make.
Safety is a quality I have come to fully lean into and appreciate and be grateful for. The peace that comes with it. The beauty of that initial intake of breath as my nervous system naturally regulates into the parasympathetic (rest and digest) state. It’s now a marker of a good connection for who I let into my life and who I let remain.
Always listen to your body for it is far wiser than our logical mind is.