Maybe I am as toxic as they say. Maybe I need a Mommy / caregiver. Maybe monogamy doesn’t suit me. Maybe solitude is the best thing for me. Maybe I am destined to never achieve anything. Maybe I should end my life. Maybe yoga isn’t a path to peace. Maybe I am ruled by my fears. Maybe I am gay. Maybe I was supposed to be born in a female body. Maybe I am a submissive. Maybe I am not talented at all. Maybe everyone dilikes me. Maybe I should overdose on mushrooms. Maybe there is no afterlife. Maybe I’m codependent. Maybe I don’t have ADHD. Maybe I’m a fraud. Maybe I’m already in hell. Maybe I wasn’t raped. Maybe it was all my fault. Maybe I wasn’t abused as a child. Maybe I was adopted. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe manifestation isn’t real at all. Maybe I’ve had enough. Maybe I’m just alone. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations. Maybe I don;t deserve to be loved. Maybe I’m not who I thought I was. Maybe I’m a bad father. Maybe I shouldn’t be a Daddy. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I’m angry. Maybe I’m hurt. Maybe there is no way out of depression. Maybe I should just allow myself to spiral. Maybe freedom is an illusion. Maybe my memories are fabricated.
I want to be looked after. I want to be cared for. I want someone to guide me. I want someone to hold my hand. I feel like I haven’t grown up. LIke I’m stuck at a point in my childhood and it’s just my body that is ageing. I’m tired of having to look after myself. I’m tired of having to look after other people. Do the difficulties around mental dis-ease ever cease? Today is not a good day for me.