April 1, 2023
I look down at my legs as they slide beneath the duvet. The cotton lounge t-shirt softly drapes my thighs and the definition in them dance with the shadow created by the dim orange light beside me. In the few seconds it takes me to get into bed, a gang of thoughts crowd behind my eyes. Yet instead of the usual violent nature of their voices, I am confronted with compliments about how beautiful my legs look. How comfortably feminine I feel. How this energy feels like a home I have never known, yet have always had access to. Is this who I truly am?
For so many years I have fought against myself for the masculine energy to supress and control its rival. From dancing to mannerisms to the way I talk, I have controlled it all and become somebody everybody else wanted. A somebody I was not meant to be.
I don’t yet know if the path I have begun to travel is the correct direction. But if I were able to allow my fears to rest, I would connect with my intuition and allow myself to believe in the answer I already know. Because I feel it in my heart. I am on course. I am heading home. I Just need to remember to not rush through to the detsinatinon and forget to take in the scenery as I walk. For there lies the beauty of exactly who it is I am to become.